Sail to the moon

In class I write notes on the back of my hand. Black ink and skin & i write tiny messages. I wait a second and rub against the words printed on my skin, I rub them away until nobody else can see them & i pretend that i'm sending tiny little messages to you. & I feel connected to you, and I want the messages to travel that string from my heart to yours and find there way to you.

They say "you're beautiful" -- they say "i love your laugh in the dead of night, sitting staring at the ceiling with the phone to my ear at 3AM. They say "I'm thinking of you -- can't we get out of here?" -- escape the classroom, meet me at the top of a hill somewhere. Chart the skies with me, discover new places, and when i distract you & when you're looking off, i'll steal the kiss i've been dreaming of taking.

Let me just tug on this heart string, let me just pull you into me, &whisper all the little secrets of how much more interesting i am then anything else you could have to do. let me convince you, let me pull you in and kiss you & let's never look back, because i love you.

Ask me how I am

Ask me how I am; lonely without you, miserable with you five miles away. Ask me how I sleep at night and I'll tell you full. Full of dreams, full of momentary daydreams flittering through the night of waking up next to you. Filled with wanting to be even closer. Filled with wanting to come home with you.

Filled with wanting to shove everything off the calendar, & i want to push it all and watch it slip off the edges, fill it with blankets, fill it with popcorn on stormy nights, fill it with toes touching under blankets when it's just too cold outside their edges. I'll fill my calendars marked by when we kiss instead of by dates, I'll fill them with colorful memories instead of black and white ink, I want to fill all of my days with you.

Every morning I'll wake to discover you again, a game of hide and seek beneath the covers, I want to roll out of bed with you and go on an adventure to some distant land that could be only down the street. Holding your hand, I could go five miles of five-thousand and I'd feel nowhere but at home, excited to be with you. Heart beating, eager to turn the next corner, and filled with the anticipation for the next moment.

This is me. Always wishing I could be holding you, always wishing I could clear away everything else to just be with you. Closing my eyes and wanting to open them to you. Closing my hand and wishing it was closing around yours. I'll blow the stars away and make day come sooner so I can be holding you again.

So here I am. Full of love.

ride

Let's sit.

& we'll cast shadows in a room lit by candles, sitting cross legged over a blanket so large it covers the floor from any direction the eye can see. We'll drink seltzer water and pretend it's something else, pretend we're those people who indulge themselves in intoxications & we'll pretend we're those people who take one sip and let their secrets fly. We'll sit in arms reach and remain constantly touching -- blanket under bare feet and our fingertips just pressed to skin, tracing the warmth back to its source.

We'll touch fingertips to lips and dip in & together, we'll let our secrets slip as we slip into one another.

Tumble back into the wave of blankets, I want to talk about our dreams & I want to see myself in every one of them with you, right beside you.

I'll tell you how I want to go to Spain, how I don't speak a word but when I close my eyes and picture it I see myself with two tickets poised in fingertips. I see myself taking off with you, everything else taken care of & we take another sip of our own intoxicated dreams and you'll whisper you'd love to, the way we whisper at three A.M., the way we share soft words between kisses.

And we'll share our big dreams, & talk about all our plans and wants and needs and at every stop there will be you & there will be me, waiting with hand held out to take, and we will take it every time.

Always there for the next step of our dreams together.

愛

I can speak twelve {12} languages and their complex words and grammar would slip from my tongue as if you walked the streets of Paris right beside me; I could translate skylines to lyrics and feelings to thoughts;

But my lips are still lacking when they try to get around the words of my love for you. I drive aimlessly next to you in the car late at night, not aimlessly for lack of knowing where I'm going -- aimlessly for lack of being able to properly say what I feel. I rely on movements & ways, I rely on my heart and the way it tries to communicate a message.

Single string ballads & morse code trying to get through the air, trying to communicate a message. Trying to tell you that when I stop at every stop light I just want to kiss you. Trying to tell you that every rainy day I just want to love you. Trying to tell you how I want to spend the days into the future working hard & coming back to you, I want to spend them comforting & taking care of you when you work hard, and I want to spend the days in between work lounging with you.

A choir couldn't perform the way my single heart tries to do, working overtime as it tries to communicate a message my lips fail at ever saying well enough. & I can say I love you, I can say it in every language the world knows, I can write it in the sand but it's not enough & it doesn't fill the sky with love the way your face does for me, so I leave it to my heart & my single string ballad.

I leave the message in the sound, in the beat of holding you close when the lights are out and nobody is around. Where there's no false pretenses, no voices, no crowd -- where it's just the shadows and us, warm kisses and it's been too long between each kiss when you wish it would never stop at all.

And so I do my best to make an orchestra of noise, to sum up all the feelings that may never be summed up, to explain the way I see you and want to hold onto every moment. The way I walk through rooms when you're gone and I see something of yours and I feel a new melody, I feel the way I wish you were there next to me always, and I smile to think that you've given me all these feelings.

Like I want every day to be summer so I can spend the day on the beach with you building sand castles. Like when the sun is about to set and I want nothing more than to run out to the park with you and dash our feet in the sand and the grass and fall over so full of love.

& So I'll sing my great big song as loud as I can and hope that one day it fills the sky, the way you fill mine. The way you smile and my world whips around me and shows me how life can really be, how wonderful it is.

Suddenly I see

How can forever not seem like enough, and the sky never seem big enough?

Because I want to point to the sky from the grass and I want to say "my love for her could fill the entire thing" -- but the sky needs to be bigger, it needs to expand to feel everything I feel. Everything that jumps in my heart when I see her, when I walk in and it's arms and bodies and holding so close you'd think there was nothing else to living than that.

And breathing little whispers; I missed you, I love you, you're so beautiful--that's all there is to the world, breathing out secrets and touching lips, wishing the sky were a bigger place where you could show your love, instead of whispering it, instead of desperately trying to say it so much that it goes beyond having to shout it and to having to say it secretly.

Having to say it when I see those beautiful eyes, I say it when I touch her hand, I say it when I kiss her lips & I say it when we close our eyes and black out the rest of the world, so it can fill up all the space where everything else may have been.

& so if I could I would clear out all the clouds from the sunset sky and I would write my love like a million letters, fly them into the air like birds to fill up the blue and leave the world knowing where my heart beats the hardest. Let the world know where the colors come from, let them know what it feels like to be home in the arms of the girl that you love.

& It's like falling over and over again, and forever is never long enough to be with her.

In my arms

Life from above & far away.

We swing on swingsets seating just two, and when I'm coming down and you're going up we reach out across the way and our fingertips touch somewhere that seems miles above the sand beneath us. & I think, that must be what love is -- finding the connection when everything in the world is moving in different places, finding the place where your fingertips touch.

I want to run away with you and keep that feeling forever, I want to run away with you to a place where I can kiss each fingertip and never have the world throw us into a place where we can't be touching, where we can't be seeing & loving with clumsy arms and hearts filled with love.

Because when our swings reach the top and we're both their together, arms stretched out -- the view from above is amazing.

I see Paris & Spain & France, a little boat the sails along on the sea and a bridge that's just for you and me, overlooking the canals of the city place, we'd stand, the only ones in the city -- or at least the only ones in our hearts. Foreign pastry & words, smiles that mean the same thing no matter where you are in the world -- and the feeling of your lips touching mine, breathing life into the night and waking the stars.

When we're at the top of the swings I see a world where I can be anywhere loving you and never having to have your hand leave mine. & I will kiss every fingertip and love every moment if I get to spend them all with you.

Life and love in the little connections, I just want to hold your hand in mine, I just want to wake up to your eyes. & I'll daydream of days when I never have to swing back down and wait to hold you again.

Because every moment of connection is a wish at 11:11 fulfilled.

Could be anything

We charted a way through the world, pushing away sand and dirt and finding ways untraveled. We used the stars to guide us & the wind to push, and somehow we still ended up lost and without a map in the dark, and that's just the way it goes. But lost & in the dark, I find myself there with her.

And if you're with the right person you find a new path, & if you're with the true person, you find the right path that maybe you were supposed to be on all along. No matter what happens I've found that my maps are rewritten and the stars change every night, but no matter what happens I've found that having her at my side, I've never felt lost a day in my life.

Without a map, without a compass, I've never felt out of place when I'm in the dark and her hands in mine. The wind sings a gentle song and guides me, and all the songs on the radio sing to me songs that were once lost on me -- but now I dance with her to them in the dark, and it all makes sense. Swaying back and forth and finding the new way.

The stars can bloom in the sky & we can see each others eyes, and we can find where we were really supposed to be in the uncharted territory -- in each others arms, humming the soft songs of the radio that maybe neither of us understood before the day we fell into one another.

& on that day she became my own north star, my one true point that guided my heart and put me back home. The wind that guided me was nothing if not her hand that came to mine softly.

And when I don't know where I'm going, when I don't know where to turn, and when my lips can't find the words to say, there's nothing I need to do but look straight ahead at her, to fall into her, and there's nothing else I need to guide me.

To guide my heart home, to the one place it's always needed to be. Anywhere with her.

With the moon above and the radio playing a soft, faded tune, I fell into her lips and fell into myself and found everything I'd ever been missing, and all of the feelings that you never knew you could have.

Blooming the same way the stars come out at night, the way I fall in love with her every day.

I like the rain the most

When it rains out, it's like the whole world chains. It's dark outside but it's not quite night time, the atmosphere is gentle but it's not quite dawn.

And when you sit inside -- when you just sit and listen and you can hear the rapping of the rain on the window, I swear it's the sound of a thousand tiny voices speaking in a foreign language, and it becomes my own little world. It becomes my own little world where I can stay couped up inside, where I can dim all the lights and wrap myself in a blanket in imitation of beautiful butterflies.

It becomes a day where I want nothing else but to share it with her, under covers and in secret words and languages. Words only heard by lips pressed kissing, gently and softly. Words only heard in the laughter playing boardgames on the floor. Words only heard in the quiet sound of footsteps in the kitchen, popping popcorn before diving into the world of a blanket and the noise of the rain, watching a cheesy movie with no sounds and you mouth your own words.

And she catches me in this little world of mine, and it's a place I've never been with anyone else, and it's a place I never want to be with anyone else other than her. In our own little world where we can pull blankets over our head. Where we can get away with anything -- staying inside without a care in the world, without a care for work or without a care for other people. They'll understand if we say we weren't there because it was raining. They'll understand if we say we were too busy falling in love with every raindrop that fell from the sky.

They'll understand and they'll let go, the way we can let go of everything, all bundled up not in blankets but in the comfort of each other. In the comfort of these smiles, this world.

In the comfort of this love.

When it rains, I want nothing but to be in this little world with her, this little bubble, loving her.

Me And The Moon

Okay, so there's this feeling ...

There's this feeling that you get when you've been up all night. If you were busy working, if you couldn't sleep, the reason doesn't matter, but your eyes found you up still come the dead of night. At the break of dawn you find yourself on the edge of the world where you can't see anything but the way the dawn looks after staying up an entire night. It's easy on your eyes, it takes away all the pain of not sleeping. One by one, muscles relax and you sink into the way that the sky is slowly becoming lighter.

You sink into the way that the stars are slowly being covered up, they're disappearing behind a blanket of light that's coming up through the clouds. It's a clarifying moment where there's nothing else you can see, nothing else you can think of. You can smell the dawn when it comes to you like this, fresh and brilliant and the way the world should always be. It completely takes you over.

It's the way I feel when I'm around her.

It's the best example I can give. The world lights up, and I feel all the smaller things, I feel like all the light I'd seen before were just stars that could only do so much to light up the world, and she came along and lit it up with ease. When she steps into the room, she lights it up and she lights up further than the borders, the walls of the room. It's the realization of the dawn, the feeling that you don't see with your eyes after a long night up -- it's that feeling that you feel and see in your heart, like it's slowly filling it up. Like it's becoming something more than it ever could have been or could be otherwise.

It is the feeling of finding that piece of you that you were missing, that feeling of finding it every time you see her.

And all you can do is take in a breath and thank god for the dawn, and hope to never have to see the night again.

This love is knowing that even though the night does come, the dawn is always there for you.

This love is feeling everything relax and slip away, everything but that moment, everything but that delicate feeling when she touches your hand and you slip away from the world for just a second before you reappear, a blip on the map. And when you come back, you're happier -- you're better, and you're ready for whatever the day brings.

This love is beautiful, this love is the beginning of everything, this love is worth making it through any night for.

This love is everything truly important.

This is the love that I love, one heartbeat, one kiss, and one smile at a time. The love that I live every time I wake up smiling and thinking of her, and the love that I dream of when I long for nothing more than her touch.